A Fowl Plot Is Afoot
by AMysteriousWoman711
Summary: Clara finds a chicken. In the TARDIS. And the Doctor has disappeared...but where? And why? And seriously, what is up with the chicken? Will Clara ever get to the bottom of this mystery? Or is this getting impossibly weird for the Impossible Girl to handle? Humor/Mystery/Adventure. ONE-SHOT...for now...


**A FOWL PLOT IS AFOOT**

**Summary: Clara finds an unexpected guest on the TARDIS. Not only that, but a mystery to boot. The Doctor is nowhere to be found. And seriously, what is up with this chicken? Buckle up folks, things are about to get very weird, indeed...**

**Set sometime after The Name of the Doctor, but before The Day of the Doctor. 11/Clara-centric. Mystery/Adventure. But full of humor and the occasional bad pun. ;o) ONE-SHOT?**

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It was Wednesday morning at 8am and Clara was ready to go, bag slung over her shoulder containing her book, '101 Places to See' tucked safely inside.

She sat in excited anticipation on the stairs of her apartment, biting her lip, nervously twirling her rings and fiddling with the hem of her sweater.

The Doctor and his snog box should be here any minute.

Finally, the familiar **vworp, vworp** of the TARDIS could be heard, along with a slight breeze.

The "smaller-on-the-outside" blue box landed in the park across from her building with a loud thud.

Clara immediately got up and ran over to it, skipping the whole way.

'He's here! Finally!'

As she got closer, she snapped her fingers together.

The doors instantly opened for her and she grinned widely.

She wandered into the main console area, hoping to find the Doctor at the controls, doing his mad little dance with a flourish and a bright grin.

Needless to say, this is not what she found.

In fact, the Doctor was nowhere to be found...

But what she did find was something altogether...unexpected.

There, pecking repeatedly at some exposed wires around the base of the console, was...a chicken.

Yes, a chicken.

As in, a live, ordinary chicken from Earth.

The kind you might see in a petting zoo or any ordinary farm.

It had white feathers, with a brown speckled chest, a red crest on its head, beady little eyes, and it was clucking every so often contentedly, just walking around like it owned the place.

Clara stared at it with an expression somewhere between extremely baffled and extremely amused.

"What? I'm sorry...but what? How the dickens did you get in here?" She asked it, in a sort of playful, curious sing-song voice, a voice she usually reserved for baby-sitting toddlers.

She crouched down in her skirt, onto her knees, at perfect eye-level with it.

She even reached out with a tentative hand to...to do what? Poke it? Pet it? Maybe test to see if it was an illusion? How about all of the above?

She drew her hand back a bit, bit her lip, then ever so slowly, so as not to spook it, her hand finally made contact with its soft feathers.

Well, that settles that. Perfectly real. As in really-real.

'Okay, at least you know you're not going crazy. That's a good start, I suppose.'

Still, why was it even here?

It blinked its beady eyes a few times, then clucked again.

"Okaaaaaay...and where is the Doctor?"

It cocked its head to the side, clearly not understanding the question.

'Well, what did you expect, Clara? For it to speak perfect English?'

For once, she really did not know what to do.

The situation was so laughable and ridiculous and just plain silly and just...weird.

And quite frankly, she was feeling a bit scared.

Not scared for her life, heavens no, but the whole thing was rather off-putting.

She felt as if she was about to be the brunt of some awful college prank.

'Uuuuummmm...okay. Right. Okay, Clara. You are talking to a chicken...in the TARDIS. There's a chicken...a live, clucking chicken...in the TARDIS. And the Doctor is nowhere around. Right. Get a grip. You can handle this. There's probably a perfectly good reason why there is a chicken here. He's probably around here somewhere, creating a new setting for his sonic or something. You just need to go find him and then he will explain everything. And if he doesn't...well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, eh?'

She took in a deep, calming breath, held it for a second, then blew it out. Then she straightened her shoulders, took one last glance at their...ahem...*guest*...mostly just to make sure that it was, in fact, real and not some kind of prank and purposefully strolled through the corridors, all the while calling his name.

"Doctor? DOCTOR!? I need to speak with you about something! You had better answer me soon, Chin Boy, or we are going to be very cross with you for the rest of the day and that's a promise!"

No reply.

Not from anywhere.

Nothing.

Just silence.

Clara couldn't help but panic slightly now.

'WHERE THE HELL IS HE?'

Still, she kept on calling, opening every door she saw, poking her head in, expecting to see the familiar quiff, purple suit, and bow tie.

Where could he possibly be?

"DOCTOR!" she practically bellowed, "WHERE ARE YOU?"

Still, nothing.

No answer from the Time Lord.

This is getting to be quite serious now.

Her heels clicked down the corridors as a quick pace now, almost running.

'Maybe I should head back to the main console? Maybe I can ask the TARDIS to locate him for me?'

Thinking this was a rather brilliant idea on her part, and running out of other options, she made her way back to the console room.

She climbed up the stairs quickly, made a loop around the rotor and stopped at the vid screen.

She took in another deep breath and let it out.

'Right. Time to see if this works or not.'

"Show me the Doctor's location on the TARDIS."

Nothing happened.

Clara gave an exasperated huff, rolling her eyes.

"Fine. Sorry. Okay...*Please* show me the Doctor's current location on the TARDIS."

Suddenly, a map of sorts appeared on-screen, what might have been mistaken for a Venn Diagram was actually a couple of vague circles with room names on it.

Even a few she recognized from their previous venture into the bowels of the ship on the day it had almost exploded with them inside it.

And there, in the circle labeled "Main Console", was a green blip labeled "Clara" as well as a black blip labeled, funnily enough, "Chicken".

But...and this was the scariest thing of all, nowhere on this map contained a blip, of any color, labeled "The Doctor"...which meant...

She let out a frightened gasp.

Which meant...he wasn't here.

He wasn't actually on the ship.

The TARDIS had landed here, on its own, with only a chicken as its pilot...

**TO BE CONTINUED...?**

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**A/N: Don't ask me where the idea for this story came from. Really. Just don't. I've got nothing. And for Rassilon's sake, don't ask me where this is going...because I don't even know. I really don't. All I knew was that I wanted to write a story with a chicken in it. Just because I think they are very strange, curious, and silly creatures. And I wanted one to appear mysteriously in the TARDIS. Other than that, I have absolutely no clue. But hey, if anyone cares enough about this one and wants more, message me with your zany idea and who knows? I might use it if it's silly or crazy enough or if I think it will work into the plot nicely. That is...when I think of a plot...erm...yes...right...a plot...hmm... O_o**

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**UPDATED as of 1-19-2014**

**A/N: Thank you so much to those that have favorited, followed, commented, & reviewed this story! WOW! You guys make my day so much better! And no fear, followers, for this little fluffy one-shot is about to get an even sillier sequel! I'm in the middle of writing it, as we speak. I am going in a slightly different direction than some of you suggested...(the Doctor is NOT the chicken, though the scenario will be addressed), so I hope that won't put any of you off of reading the rest of it. I've gone through several possible endings...kind of like CLUE. But in the end, I'm only posting the best, funniest version. I hope it will suffice. You can probably expect the end to this by Tuesday or Wednesday this week, as I will probably be busy watching the premiere of "Sherlock, Series 3: The Empty Hearse" tonight, here in the States. ;o) Again, thank you all for your patience and encouragement!**


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